Glasses half full

But what if the glass is broken?

The Glasses

Three years ago I took the big leap to prescription running glasses. I had grown tired of putting tiny clear circles in my eyes only to have them irritate my eyelids and occasionally fold over and pop out. Three years I’ve been wearing my glasses in wind, rain, sun, and even hot yoga.

And then, after hot yoga Tuesday I hung them on my bag as I showered at the club. They fell and broke clean in two. No repair possible. The world is a fuzzy blob. I didn’t even try the one eye thing. It might have worked - I had a little more than half with a nose piece. Glass half full? Well yeah, but that’s all it is. Optimism won’t make it more than that.

They’re using my lenses on a new pair of frames. Half glass full.

Optimism can get you a lot of things but it really can’t do more than be part of how you form your opinion. How you decide to deal with things.

I think I did let out a minor expletive when they broke and the lens and two frame pieces scattered on the hard locker room floor. When your vision sucks, pieces like that can be hard to find. Plus, I was naked and they’d slid out into the open locker room space. Stay calm. Relax. Get your towel, dry off, don’t make a scene. Certainly not a naked scene. Life will go on.

Luck favors the prepared. Thankfully I did have my day–to-day glasses in the car. If all else had failed I could have used my sunglasses in the glove compartment. I just couldn’t have hung out with KS and been social. No driving in the dark with sunglasses.

Optimism made me feel good about my decision last week to not order a second set of lenses (polarized) to pop in and out of my running glasses. Instead, I decided to wait. Waiting was good. If no decision must be made, make no decision.

Optimism reminded me that I have had them for three years and have probably logged close to 3000 running miles in these glasses. That’s a pretty good per mile cost if you do the math.

But optimism doesn’t fix what’s broken.

Sometimes it requires action.

The dog

I’m pretty good at seeing the bright side, at seeing a positive avenue for what could come, at seeing potential reasonable excuses for when others do not pull through. When others do not show up as I think they should - or as I think I would in their situation. Others are not me.

This morning I heard a story of how a friend was walking in downtown PG. He walked by a couple of people sitting at a cafe table and their small dog lunged at him and bit him, breaking the skin. I’m not sure of the particulars but somehow the dog and owner disappeared. They didn’t stick around to see if he was okay or if anything needed to be done… or to assure him that the dog had its shots.

He is now getting a flight of rabies shots just to be safe. He reported it to the police.

And why? Because the owner did not stick around. The owner was really - a horrible person. No consideration for the consequences - or perhaps full realization. Another one of my friends theorized that maybe the dog had bit someone before and they knew they’d have to put their dog down if it was officially reported again… yeah, whatever… no excuse. Take ownership for your actions. Be a good human.

“Not my fault - just my dog. Usually a friendly dog”. I suppose it could be put off that way… if you want to make yourself feel better.

The gods take thee

The uncle of a good friend passed away. I learned about it while I was at the memorial for my sister’s husband. He was a good man. Father J of the Catholic church. My friend has been assisting with his care for years. I cooked them dinner and posted about it here about a year ago. He had dementia and declining health. He lived a good life. He liked dogs. She showed up for him constantly when he needed it… and sometimes even when he wouldn’t admit he needed it. There will be a service for him and a memorial and there will be a lot of people that show up to celebrate his life. I am sure, also, there will be a chorus of dogs howling and playing to celebrate his life. People will show up. Enough that it will be hard to notice who doesn’t show up.

There were some that didn’t show up for my brother-in-law's memorial. It makes me sad but I can imagine reasons. Some people just don’t do the memorial thing. Health issues are real. But some, I know, were due to rifts that had formed and been held on to. Petty conflicts so noisy that it caused the roots, the important bits, to go forgotten. I wish they had remembered their ties and just shown up. Showing up is important. Now there will always be this hole, this gap in the closing chapter when he left this earth. The day can not be taken back.

When Katie passed there were many that I didn’t expect - that did show up. They celebrated her life and sent her off in style - ashes flung at the root of our marriage oak with a humming bird chirping from the top branches. A dedication done by my whole school and metal butterflies still hanging from the tree on campus. But it is still hard not to be bitter. No one from her family made the journey to be at either event. Very few of her friends that she communicated with regularly came. There was a void and it still makes me sad. The void extended to my own circle… and I understand the reasons. They were valid reasons. But it still lingers in the back of my brain that I was left very alone. Alone in a very tender state. It’s the kind of thing that can cause bitterness and hatred to develop. “Why didn’t they… How could they… Where were they…??????”

The ones that I didn’t expect to show up - - - they were the ones that got me through. The glass was nearly empty yet they were there - rock solid. They filled me up.

So bitterness. I hold you back because I do not want you destroying my heart. I need to show up when I can. When I am needed. But it is hard. Recently, Katie’s uncle, who she was fond of, passed. His family let me know but I have heard nothing since. I feel like I should go.. be a part of it all but it is hard when the metaphysical distance is so great. It just feels like a bridge was burned when Katie died. Perhaps it is better to just let some bridges lay in ruin.

Most bridges I am perfectly happy to maintain, to rebuild or build anew. I will show up and be there when their glass is nearly empty. I hope you will do the same.

Poems

A poem written on a plane 7/18/25. On the way to the memorial.

Remnants of my heart
are strewn not just
across the globe
but across dimensions
and my cyborg heart has
No Choice
But to go on beating.

A second poem written on the same plane 7/18/25 (working through some of my own wants, needs and DESIRES here… Murphy’s law is something like - if something can go wrong it will.  There’s another law, Falkland’s Law, that is embodied in the final line of this poem.  It sounds sort of snippy, but is really about patience.)

Desire
	is a rampant flood of emotions
	spouting from my brain and body
	like a fountain - a hose
	with so many holes the water
	sprays in disarray and leaves
	me soaked.
	Wet through.
	Her image is there, soaked
as well, but I do not understand
the reason. The why for. The how
for. When for.
	I know
Desire is present.
	I do not understand the
shape it takes and therefore
	it is
		unactionable
If no decision must be made…make no decision.

Thank you. Hug someone.