Heal left heel

You're Achilling me.

According to Wikipedia (I refreshed my memory, didn’t want to spew total falsehoods, you know), Achilles is known as one of the greatest of all Greek heroes.

Despite all his training and magical armor he had a physical weakness. That darned heel. Typically when an Achilles heel is presented it is on somebody or something that is powerful and overly proud. When that something is brought down. It’s brought down to cheers. Kaploosh! Yippee!

I’m a heel.

My own left heel has been my Achilles this year. So annoying but also a sign of change. I wish it would just do its thing and heal.

I think it started bothering me last December. January for sure. Sharp pains. Eventually swelling. Different folks tell me different things regarding what they think it is. The smart ones stayed quiet and just observed and tested and observed. Everyone seems to have opinions about heels, feet and Achilles. The feedback I got from AI matched the initial feedback from all sorts of people and I ended up doing the opposite of what I really should have done for treatment. I am, after all, weird. The whole picture of one's health is pretty important. So is patience and perseverance. That and listening to one’s own body.

My running is down from 100-120 miles per month to 80-90. I’ll be lucky if I hit 1,000 miles this year.

My heel will feel okay as I sit, stand or whatever and then, seemingly without provocation it will flare like the beejeezus and I may even let out a groan or yelp or something… it just shoots along my nerves. Sometimes it stretches up my leg. Tears have formed.

It’s on the same leg that has less musculature. Atrophy presumably from my lower back issues. I’ve had PT for about 6 months and I see KS periodically and both have helped and I know my body is changing and reacting and I believe it’s getting better it’s just taking so darned long. I’ve never been so pulled prodded and pushed in my life… but it’s not all bad.

Along with the pain I now have feeling on the bottoms of my feet. A year ago I didn’t really. I’d lost my ticklishness. I’m ticklish again. My left leg’s muscles are growing and becoming more defined. Lately cupping has helped and the swelling and pain seem to be going down. The flexibility has also improved. Patience, persistence, compliance. Stick to it.

Then 10 days ago my back seized up. It seized up again Saturday. And after an adjustment late Saturday it seized up again Sunday. I was laid out. I barely survived school Monday. Another KS adjustment Monday night brought me back around. . . around to weirdness as my whole core was still a knot and I had twitching across my front left abdomen below my belly button. Twitching for hours. So distracting. I’ve had a twitchy eye that wouldn’t go away but never a major core muscle. Thankfully KS told me “no hot yoga” and I didn’t pack stuff so I wouldn’t be tempted. Sometimes it’s hard to be smart.

The next day I felt sort of okay and tried a short run. Wow, that first .25 felt horrible. Then I realized I felt so horrible because my stomach was sore from twitching. My groin muscles, hips, lower back - everything was sore from being so tight for days. Wowzers. Being stubborn, I kept running. I eventually loosened up… and as I felt better, I realized my heel was feeling pretty good. The body is a funny thing.

I’m thankful my body and nerves seem to be healing. I am glad I can still run around and be chased by kids at recess. I’m glad I am still getting 80-90 miles a month. A lot of people have it a lot worse.

I wonder how aware Achilles was of his own weakness? Perhaps his heel was the only thing that actually made him human.

Building things is hard

Ask a kindergartner to build something great and wonderful with blocks and they will spend a long time building a masterpiece. It might even fall on its own accord a few times along the way. And then finally, they finish and they are proud of their creation and they will tell you all about it.

Enter the kinder bully. 2 seconds and the whole thing is destroyed. Tears.

Destruction? Easier than creation.

Along those same lines… protecting things is hard. We have locks on all our doors, locks for our cars, bikes, guns, security, police, cameras, all sorts of things just to keep us and our stuff safe from a VERY small portion of the population that will do harm. Will steal. Will destroy. They will set their minds to do what they can to get through the protection… and if they have a strong will and reasonable intelligence and maybe… no concern for what is right and wrong.. they will succeed.

HAVOC is easy.

There was another shooting at a school. At a Catholic school. At Mass. I think it could easily have been a lot worse. When someone is hellbent on destruction it is a difficult path to block.

At our school we have Mass too. We have assemblies outside in the morning. We have a staff that, by their very nature, are trusting, loving, caring, considerate. Wanting to be helpful. Assuming the best in people. I wouldn’t change it for the world but it really is an Achilles heal from the point of view of someone that is hellbent on EVIL.

As it is… I am frequently the one outside the doors looking for trouble, watching. I am the one on the fringe at assembly. I know full well if something were to happen I would probably be the first.

That’s fine. Hopefully I’ll do something to save others if it came down to it. But a destructive individual? It’s hard. No matter the planning. No matter the work done to protect, to build safety, if someone is hellbent they will find the Achilles heel. There is always an Achilles heel.

Weakness as Strength

So that’s why we try to teach kids not to destroy their classmates' pride and joy. We try to teach empathy. We show them love and support and build them up. We watch for kids that need help… need help developing empathy, morals, care. Love. Love them.

The other solution is to become more like the EVIL. That’s not where I want to go.

Thursday our Volunteer Extraordinaire came in during my fourth grade class. I went back to see what she needed. Her eyes were teary. “When I heard the news about the shooting at Mass in Minneapolis the first person I thought of was you… and how you would throw yourself over a child to protect them.” I smiled at her and said something.. surely something a little diffusing… but I appreciated her thoughts and concern and caring. It was nice to know that she realized one of my purposes in being out and about and watching things during Mass and assembly. I got a really good hug too.

Reality is fickle

I honestly don’t know what my reaction would be. It might depend on that day. How am I feeling? Sleepy? Grumpy? Tired? Lazy? I hope I would be bold and brave and smart… I hope. I have a hard time imagining myself leaping immediately into action - fists a flailing.

I do know I am good at diffusing. At listening. At stepping between two in conflict. I’ve stood between an angry homeless person spewing random racial hatred and an angry parent that were nearly at fisticuffs before. They both walked away. Maybe that would be my role and nothing would even happen… and no one but the two of us would ever know. That would be okay.

Diffusing can start early.

Today on our run we stopped at Parker Lusseau for pastry and espressos. I was waiting for the last espresso. My two friends had already gone outside to get a table. A woman was holding a quiche, a box of pastry and was trying to grab two large frozen drinks from the counter to put on top. It was precarious. The guy behind the counter had a look of, “I can’t believe she’s trying that”. Other customers just watched with expectant eyes, waiting for the inevitable destruction that would follow. I admit it was tempting to just stand and watch.

Instead I stepped forward and helped her place the drinks in a drink holder and then on top of her other goodies she was holding. “How far are you going?” I asked. “It’s okay, I need to get napkins” and she strolled over with her tower to the little supply bench. I got my espresso and went out to sit with my friends.

As she left she said, “thank you”. I smiled, “you’re welcome”. My friends both turned their heads to stare at me. Eyebrows raised. I think PP said, “Again?” Yup. I have my moments.

Maybe Achilles, the warrior, would have been okay if he’d just been nicer.