Santa or Satan?
Ho, Ho, . . . HipPo?
As a youth I remember arguing that Santa and Satan were actually the same thing. Red suit. Served by a crew of slave elves. Immortal. Freezes time. Can keep warm in any weather. Uses magic. Breaks into houses. Infects children with greed. Always watching… watching… watching… pretty scary really. Why is he wearing that big old hat? What’s under there?
As an adult I am struck by how creepy the whole thing is. I mean really… grown men having a series of small children sit on their laps. One after the other. Whispering secrets. Just the sort of thing we’re told not to do at school. As a male teacher I have really gotten pretty good at the quick swivel to a side hug when attacked by affectionate children. Sometimes they slip past my defence mechanism but even then I will minimize the hug time and move on. Have a kid sit on my lap at school? Nope. Not going to happen.
And so, as I was sitting in a meeting with the principal I did not hesitate when asked if I would dress up as Santa for the final Christmas Rally assembly the last day of school before break. Nope. Didn’t hesitate at all. “SURE!”
Even the deer in the park next door were surprised. “Don’t pull us into this! We are NOT putting on bozo clown noses!”
And so I did it. Not really intending to mask who I was, I went with the natural beard. I do think the suit looks pretty good on me.
And so…
After “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” was sung I wandered out ringing my bell. Ding a ling. Yup.
“HO HO HO!” Yup.
And I felt like a total dork. Imposter. False. Criminal. What a weird persona to try to take on. You really don’t have to do much. Just walk around. Laugh. Ring a bell.
And so we weaved a story of Hippos and how my magic bag was so heavy because all the kids want hippos for Christmas.. and why because of this song!
And then the whole school… it sounded like every single kid… sang along to the karaoke version displayed on the big screen. And there was joy. Everyone had huge smiles. 8th graders were bouncing like overexcited toddlers, unable to control themselves. I wandered around some more, attempting to play my part - so inadequate - even with the pillow. And then the song ended and the next song came on and I wandered off and waved goodbye.
I went upstairs and took the suit off. Ahh. That thing is hot.
No. I will not be sitting down and listening to the Christmas wishes of kids as they sit on my knee. No. That is still not going to happen. Still creepy. But after the assembly I did go around and talk to many kids. “Were you dressed up as Santa?” “Me, I don’t know what you’re talking about” “I wasn’t even there, I had to take care of something for Tech” “It was you, I recognized your… beard… voice” and then there was one little TK girl I sat next to after school at the picnic tables. We chatted and she said, “that was you, wasn’t it?” “Oh, I don’t know what you’re talking about” “I know it was you” and despite the fact that I had not disguised my voice and I had not worn a fake beard she looked at me square in the eyes and said, “I saw his watch. You are wearing the same watch. It was you.” Ahh, kids.
No one asked me for any presents.
But I might be willing to do it again. Maybe when my beard is a little whiter. I’ll switch watches too.
The backstory…
A few years ago I led the school singing “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” at morning assembly. Years before, I had heard the song on the radio and had been singing it at home over and over. Katie, rather than getting annoyed, decided to print out a hippo and turn it into a little standing hippo and gave it to me for Christmas. It still lives on the back of my computer monitor at school. After she died and Christmas approached, the memory of the song and what it meant came back and I felt led to sing it at assembly… So I did. And it went over well. I remember there was one grade that knew most of the lyrics. That helped.
It went well enough that a few weeks ago a parent was talking to me and asked me if I was going to sing the song again this year. I said, no, the teachers aren’t leading assembly before Christmas this year so I won’t get the chance. She was sad. “Oh, my daughter still talks about how you sang that a couple years ago. It was great.”
And then the 2nd grade led the school singing it at assembly.
And then the 2nd and 3rd graders went to a fancy local hotel and sang carols, and it was one of the songs they sang. Maybe the best song they sang.
And then the sing-along and Santa question came and sometimes, you just can’t fight fate.