Seeking that high

colorful thoughts - it's all about me me me

Andy Swanson

Sep 14, 2024

Birds? yeah.

Waterfalls don’t

Do slugs? Don’t know.

Sea cucumbers? Probably not.

And what is it about highs that are really what we are seeking?

Are we seeking the ability to live in the moment? Maybe seeking the power of forgetfulness… temporarily? The ability to forget is rather like one of the favorite superpowers.. invisibility. It’s great if you can turn off the power. BUT - if you can’t. If you’re stuck with it, it sucks. No one wants to be invisible forever and no one really wants to forget permanently.

Just for a moment. Please. Well… maybe some isolated things forever. That would be handy too… hmmm.

A few years ago I was able to get my highs from long runs. They would exhaust me and leave me giddy and I loved it. But now, after my pacemaker (happy birthday, btw, Mr. Pacemaker, you just turned 6!) and my lower back issues I cannot run so far that it pushes me to the edge and releases those endorphins. Sigh.

Now I’ve found hot yoga and it’s a weird addiction. Did a Core Power Yoga Sunday - 75 minutes. I was definitely loopy after. Enjoyed it and don’t clearly remember the rest of the day. I just know I smiled a lot. Did a more regular style hot yoga last night. I could barely think how to order a slice of pizza after. It’s a good place to be if you have a patient friend with you.

Many years ago I was a scotch snob and would seek that quick high from a shot of scotch. Mmm tasty. But then I realized I was using it not so much for the high as for the “forget the day” aspect. It was time to stop. Plus, Katie was drinking… I didn’t want to add to that.

I’ve never done other drugs. Well, except for caffeine. Like, by never I mean never. Not even tried it. Nope. Nothing. Really. Honest. Not interested. I’m friggin’ weird enough on my own without all that.

Oh Oh Oh - except for that time I did cocaine! I’d had some bloody nose issues and ended up in the ER a couple times. Eventually I had a doctor come in and they were getting ready to cauterize me. To make it less bloody they smeared some cocaine up my nose to shrink the capillaries. The joke the doctor said, “Two doctors were talking about a bloody nose patient, ‘cocaine addict?’ asks one. ‘well, he is now.’ says the other”. Yup, the doctor that gave me the coke told me that.

Anyhoo….

Sometimes I feel like my negative. My perception of reality changes and I may.. I just may have a moment of brilliance… or I might go so loopy that no one comprehends what the hell I’m going on about.