There are lines
perpendicular? parallel? intersecting?
A series of thoughts. Perhaps in a line. Perhaps not.
I had a dream last night. I was visiting an old friend, LD, down in LA. Several of his other friends were there and we made the decision to go to a movie. We went to the theater and got in line. I was first but then saw another line that looked shorter and so I switched. One of the friends followed me. LD got his ticket and then entered the theater. I looked to the other line and it now looked shorter so I switched again. and again. and eventually all the other friends and LD were in the theater while I was still trying to get a ticket. When I did finally get to the front I didn’t understand the ticket options and just agreed to whatever I was told.
After I got my ticket I walked by a building and to the next where an usher let me in. The movie had already started but it was bright with white walls inside. There were random kiosks of goods for sale, chips, drinks, clothes, hair product. LDs friends waved me over. They had taken all the chairs. The rest of the space was shelves of goods for sale. Eventually I found a chair and brought it over to sit down. The racks of stuff even partially blocked the movie screen. Once again, it was light in the theater - all white walls, yet somehow the movie screen was bright enough to see. We just sat and watched and endured. To the back there was a section cordoned off. Small children were there. It looked like they were on hobby horses, watching their own tiny screens. Like movie daycare so the parents and kids could watch different movies in the same spaces. . . and I woke up.
Note - I haven’t seen LD in quite a while. The dream was slightly reminiscent of going to see Wilco with him back east.
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My purple dreams linger fingers on the back of the neck that sends those warm tingles down. A flinch, but enjoyed.
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In college I had a walkman and would take it to study in coffee shops. All of the songs always played in the same order. You determined the flow and emotion. It was the time of the mixed tape. I would make mixed tapes for friends all the time.
Now I sit in a coffee shop typing on my little tablet/pc thing while listening to fancy Pandora music through bluetooth speakers that echo in my head like a giant concert hall. I don’t usually know the names of the songs I’m listening to. I don’t even know how I might send a mixed tape to a friend now. If I did, would they even take the time to listen to it? So easy to skip the line.
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Track is over and now I am lonely. 2 extra hours 3 days a week after school with a bunch of wild and crazy middle schoolers did a lot to fill the gaps. They are so easy and fresh and just right there with no deep thoughts beyond what is happening right then and there. It was good for me. Sometimes, yes, they are irritating because they complain… and complain… and whine… but it’s always superficial and goes away. Adults tend to hold on to things. It’s not worth it. Silly adults. There was a local high school graduation recently. An all girls school and all boys school join forces for the ceremony. BUT DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. The all boys school is becoming co-ed and it is messing with the future dynamic and there are people that are pissed off. Upset. Mad. So, from what I’ve heard, the graduation was one school’s staff on one side and the other school’s staff across the way. A line down the middle. No talking. Just tolerating. GRUMPY BUTTS. Apparently all the graduates got along just fine. Silly adults. Could learn a little something from those kids.
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My spine is a line. KS now knows me more intimately than anyone. Really. Odd thing for an adventure buddy. Sure, she knew me well before but now she’s doubling as my chiropractor as she finishes her studies and has now seen my insides (lots of x-rays and mri), has put me through a wide variety of tests, and asked pages and pages of questions about my past and how I exist for her studies. And not only that but she then takes the info and talks to professor types. I don’t think anyone has ever talked so much about me. I don’t know if it gets more intimate than that. Can you hide secrets in an x-ray? Will the line of my spine magically adjust to show myself as I want to show myself or will it just be?
It will just be. I am me.
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When I worked at the University of Washington’s manuscripts and archives, I had the power to cross a line. A researcher back east called the library asking for some specific materials. They were researching the validity of a patent. Something related to DNA. My boss referred them to me. I then spent 3 months researching for this law firm back in NY. I had to go into the secure area, request materials, have the ones that I was allowed to see brought to me and then dig through the files while being closely watched. The law firm back east was fine. They paid well. I looked for what they told me to look for and sent them copies. I have no idea if my research even helped them.
When I was done I would return the materials and leave the secure area. Sometimes I would just go around the desk and go to the back to work as a student employee. Sometimes I would end up shelving the very materials I had just been digging through for research. Sometimes I would have to put the restricted materials that researchers weren’t supposed to see back in the box before shelving it.
That was a problem… As an employee of the library with access to all the school’s Manuscripts and Archives I could easily access materials that are deemed RESTRICTED. I did not, but as I researched there was a conversation going on. Apparently it went all the way to the President of the University of Washington.
The potential that I could cross a line was apparently enough. The library would no longer refer researchers to student employees. They did let me finish but then the new policy was put into place.
My career as a researcher ended and I didn’t even cross a line. Thankfully my previous research job was for a biography of a groundbreaking vascular surgeon. That didn’t cause any problems and I got mentioned in the book. Yup, I’m more famous than you realize.
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There are lines at my job. Self imposed. Teacher at a Catholic School. I don’t like socializing with the parents of current students. I limit my interactions with my peers. I am still generally open about who I am and what I do but I am reticent to let anyone from the school fully into my life. But now I am lonely. There is no confidant at home and it is hard to meet folks outside my circle because, well, they’re outside my circle. Sigh. In the search for deeper connections, I have no desire to make my life at school complicated. Romance with coworkers of any kind is out. Not worth it. Romance with a single parent? Hard not to think about but potentially messy. The kids come first and I don’t want to mess up any kids. Sigh. Teachers hold a special place for many kids. I don’t want to mess with the marvel they have when they happen to see me at the grocery store or on the rec trail. They don’t think we’re real people. We just exist at school. So much is connected. It should be simpler.
May you always find the quickest line at the grocery store.