Yelling at Mirrors

Big trees sometimes fall

Stormy weather does mess with stuff. Sometimes big magnificent trees fall. Sometimes they crack at the base, shattering their trunks in glorious fashion. The remnants - pieces of art in and of themselves.

We’re at roughly two years since Katie died. I’m not feeling too stormy. In fact, my mind has been relatively clear of late… surprisingly unburdened. Perhaps I have just come to terms with things.

Or perhaps I am numb.

The political crap is decidedly evil. But not a surprise. That’s what he said they would do. We voted for it as a country. If you didn’t understand what you’re voting for I don’t know what to tell you. He was pretty darned clear about it, in my opinion. And if you do agree with it all… sigh. You make me sad for the state of the world.

I have to say, I am really glad Katie’s not around to see what’s going on in this country. Not just because I think it’s horrible but because I know I would be coming home to a tirade of “What the hell!” every night as if I had something to do with it. Plus she would totally be freaking out about her own status since she was born in South Korea, had no birth certificate and the DMV gave her a hard time 5 years ago because of a typo made when she was a kid on one of her documents. Pshaw.

Are we the big tree that’s going to snap at its base? I really hope not but — my gut tells me the “right” is perfectly willing to let the tree fall and see what comes next. Wow. I do wonder what they have been promised. Maybe they’ll all be moving to Greenland… or a man made island in the “Gulf of America”. (btw the whole Gulf of America thing is highly amusing to me just because there are a lot of countries in America. He just renamed it to represent two continents. Admittedly, Gulf of the USA does sound kind of weird).

24 years ago I applied to the CIA because I believe our constitution and checks and balances are a good thing and that it’s worth protecting. They turned me down. I am sooooo glad I am not in the employ of anything government related right now. All that protection - for naught. All our information… all our souls… out there and for sale on a street corner and when they do sell, there is no receipt and no, we will never see them again. It will all be gone. Our safeguards eroded away intentionally over the years by a devastating concerted plan that was doing battle with a pacifist blob.

Hint - the pacifist blob isn’t faring well.

Hmm. And so right now I am focusing on being a positive, helpful teacher to the 290 students I see every week. I am trying to be a positive, helpful co-worker to all the teachers at school. Many of whom are also freaked out by the TeRible UmPire’s actions. Kids. Give them hope. Give them knowledge. Show them care and compassion. Make them laugh and let them make me laugh.

Will I march the streets? In California? Probably not.

Will I write letters to people that I know agree with me? Probably not.

But if it did come down to it… I have a spare bedroom. A safe place for a crasher. Or a couple crashers.

I will not leave the country. For better or worse, I am here. If I leave that will be one less voice teaching the kids to be kind and use their morals and learn and learn and learn and check the facts and…

I will not leave the country. I am a white middle aged male with full papers. No one is going to pester me. I have power and safety and I can use it to support those that need it.

I will try not to be a member of the herd. I will think. I will consider the repercussions. I am embarrassed about how well my retirement stocks are doing right now. . . shouldn’t the market be tanking? Am I invested in things that are profiting from the TeRible UmPire’s doings? I sure hope not.

But I don’t know. All the really big players seem to be buying in to the whole mess. Millions of dollars. Removing safeguards. Empowering the rich… I want to leave Google, Facebook, Apple, Microsoft… all of them… and take you all with me… but to where? Even this place. Substack… I wonder at the owner’s motives and actions. Sigh. But the tools are useful and are part of life. They are the new monopolies. Big Brother. The Big Brother that keeps us all so busy that all we can do is just keep going and be busy and think, “oh I should do something” but then we don’t because we have to work 50 hours a week and take the kids to at least one activity every night and then the commute is 1 hour each way and then I have to spend an hour on social media just to unwind but I don’t unwind it just revs me up and I yell and complain in an echo chamber …. and my yelling never leaves the room I am in.

Even here. I am yelling at mirrors. Sigh.

Thank you, btw. I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day. I hope you received many hugs and love and had a nice day in which you managed to not think about the big picture too much.

If you didn’t get a hug. Here. Have a hug. 🤗