You love, what?!

A meandering thought stream.

Sunset near Aptos. Everyone loves sunset walks. 

Love songs!  They’re everywhere. Love. I’ve still been listening to a lot of C-Pop, K-Pop and other foreign stuff.  I think a lot of it is love songs, but do I really know?  Heck no!  I’ve no idea.  They could be singing about mountain climbing for all I know. Scuba diving! Cooking something tasty.  Don’t really know. Is this K-Pop?  I don’t even know but I love this song.  I think it’s about a tiger.

And the woman in the grandma outfit dancing?  She’s mesmerizing. 

In pursuit of things we think we’ll love… things. we. think. we. love. 

After my first marriage and before meeting Katie I managed to almost be “on the dating scene”. It was a sad experience here in the Monterey area. I remembered my college days of intelligent, thoughtful friends and deep conversations about almost anything. What I found in my seclusionist new hometown was a need to go online to meet other single people. Everything was shallow. Even the actual dates I went on were superficial and barely scratched the surface. Any surface. Some of the women I found to be quite lovely physically. If that’s all I wanted I might have had a good time. But no. An apparent lack of depth is pretty much a closed door for me. I imagine some of them were far more interesting than they let on. Ah well. 

So, I thought a lot about what I wanted. What - seems so impersonal to think this way. I remember the thought process. Smart. Independent minded. Free spirited. Fit. Open and honest. I realized that most of the people I considered to be my closest friends had something international about them. After my junior year in high school, I traveled to Europe and spent a month on a farm in Yugoslavia. I came home and seemed to lose the connection with friends I had before. I befriended Jarmo from Norway and Ivan from Ecuador - exchange students. In college I hung out with the Japanese exchange students at Eastern while I studied math and physics. I went to Europe again with TK for another month.  When I moved to the UW I switched to Russian History and then I definitely hung out with folks with international backgrounds.  A lot. 

In my first marriage I was pleased as punch when she joined the military. It meant travel.  It meant meeting people that have been around. 

And then I came back to Monterey. The reasons made sense and if I had stayed military the international aspect would have stayed strong. But it did not. I was out of that loop. Bummer.

—-So… I realized / decided that my perfect match would probably be a woman born in another country. At the time I was sure she would be from Europe. probably Germany. Yup. Germany.

And then I met Katie. Strong. Vibrant. Intelligent and she happened to have been born in South Korea. I knew before I knew. She didn’t know. But I knew. I suppose I was my own matchmaker. 

Katie was also blunt and honest. One thing she pointed out to me, repeatedly, that I didn’t really notice on my own was that we, as a pair, fit a fairly common stereotype. White nerdy guy with a pretty Asian woman. Yup. true. And then after she pointed it out, I looked around and they’re everywhere. EVERYWHERE.  Oh my gosh.  We appeared to be the epitome of the stereotype. Phooey on that. 

Katie also pointed out how evil the phrase, “What are you?” is. It’s demeaning. It’s horrible. It’s impersonal. It is a display of prejudice and potentially a gateway to a racist view. I don’t think I ever asked the question in that way - and I’m glad for that. I prefer to get to know someone and find things out vicariously. They will share what they want to share. They will tell me what they feel is important about them. Katie volunteered and focused on how she grew up in the central valley. That’s what was important about her that she wanted to share.

And now I’ve learned things. There are dating sites specifically for guys looking for Asian women.  What? Yup. No. I’m not going there. Yet I’m looking around again now and who actually replies to me? Mostly Asian women. Sigh.  

And then the first woman I see in person this time - through this online thing - was born in China. A lovely woman, but it sure got me thinking. Is it me? I started to wonder if I have a secret “thing” that I’m subconsciously pursuing. Am I that superficial? Am I really that white nerdy guy? Goodness. 

I talked to KS about it on a run. I’m sure she thought I was going off my rocker. But not to worry, I’ve recovered. I may be going off my rocker - but not for this.

I just like women/people with interesting backgrounds, an international mindset and a greater understanding of the world. Quite frankly, most of the women around here have an entitled feel to them. They start their online biographies listing all the things they “don’t want”. Yeah. I’m not going there. I’m not taller than you. I am concerned that you put that as a major element in your profile. I’m not going to treat you like a “lady” because you tell me to. Yeah. Doesn’t work that way. Thanks. You are not the center of the world. Nor am I. Nor would we be. 

So, an international woman of mystery. That’s my idea of what I want. A world traveler would work just fine too.  My preconceived notion is simply a caring, smart, woman with a world view. An awareness of things. Willingness to fight against prejudices and tropes. Most likely fit - but I see that as a mindset too. Phew. I had myself worried there.

Do they exist? Yeah. I actually know a few very fascinating women and they’re from a variety of backgrounds. If I pay close attention maybe I will spot more lurking in the crowd. Surely, they are watching the world and seeing/doing more than anyone else.

Yeah. I know some of this is repetitive from previous posts. I’m thinking! Geez.